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April 14th, 2008
11:28 am - Stress reliever for girls
for ages 5 and up (see photo)
http://www.dealextreme.com/details.dx/sku.10546
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April 11th, 2008
12:06 pm - What is Cheney smiling at? The reflection in his glasses might give you a hint.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/vicepresident/photoessays/outdoors/06.html
Lets just hope the VP doesn't decide to sell any teapots on Ebay.
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April 10th, 2008
11:27 am - More SPAM?!?
Seriously, I figured after the ridiculing I gave them last time, they would have been so ashamed they'd quit. Guess not. They are still sending them, and the subject lines are stupid, as usual.
Grow your monster now
Just add water? Is this the new Chia Monster™ I've heard about?
Bigger is almost always better
Especially when it comes to eyebrows. I just love a gal with a healthy pelt above her peepers.
Only Wanna Be With You
What is this, "Make up a Bryan Adam's Song Title" day?
Your fantastic device makes her shake
It's called a blender, and it also makes smoothies and margaritas. It's not rocket science. Glad you like it though.
Make her notice your manliness
Burp in her face? Leave the seat up?
Your gf is lonely! Y w8?
Idk, my bff Jill?
Your are strong
Your are english badly
very CheapPrice Bacheelor, MasteerMBA, and Doctoraate dip1omas
And quality ones too, I see.
DISCOUNT-PRICE Pharmacy offers FREE SHIPPING to all countries qmucug ryasly p1kmvx2v0g
"qmucug ryasly p1kmvx2v0g"? is that the sound of a spammer's computer short circuiting? I hope so.
re: jobs in Tennessee
hahahahahahaha!!!! bwaaahahahaha!! oh! ow! the laughing, it hurts. hahaha! ho.... whew. *sniff*
What IS OEM Software And Why DO You Care?
I'm sorry, I don't. You have me confused with someone else.
Huge tool to please your lassie
LEAVE... THE DOG... ALONE !
Leave no weak spots in your life
For only the strong spots survive. (Darwin's survival of the fittest spot theory)
think about your cucumber size
Just think about it. Shouldn't you be cutting back?
You must be The Real Man with huge dignity
Is that your dignity in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Make a giant out of your dwarv!
In Russia, you no make giant out of dwarv. Dwarv make giant out of you. Meet Vlad, my dwarv. He'll be your trainer today.
Love tools deserving of a titan!
"Tools?" Uh, just how many are you proposing here? Let's not get crazy.
yeah.
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March 13th, 2008
09:36 am - Unfortunate wording dept
Dear Editor, Please don't use the phrase "juicy backstory" in an article about a gay stripper. Thank you.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/13/american-idol-axes-gay-_n_91272.html
(it wasn't enough to keep him on? maybe simon doesn't swing that way)
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March 11th, 2008
March 10th, 2008
09:42 am - Zombies in a can
By Hannah, Lorelei, and friends.
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March 7th, 2008
02:04 pm - Miss Manners
Is it acceptable to call someone "mentally truncated"?
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March 5th, 2008
09:40 am - Comments on my SPAM
"Why be a tiny cocktail sausage, when you can be a mighty wiener."
I didn't open this one, lest it destroy my vision that it was actually catering to people who like to wear sausage costumes.
"The secret to popping cherries is out now."
6.6 billion people on earth.
Worst
kept
secret
Evar.
"Who says you cant have it all?"
The IRS say so, you fucker. Quit rubbing it in.
"She will call you Macho"
Unfortunately, that is her Latin boyfriend's name. Awkward!
"Avoid enhancement pills"
Ok. [clicks delete]
"Give her mind-blowing bedroom action"
Hide ninjas in her closet.
"I was 'horny' "
But she was 'asleep'.
"You have no need to look for a reliable online drugstore anymore."
Because there aren't any.
"Timeless Luxury Watches"
Well that kind of defeats the fucking purpose, doesn't it? Got any "engineless luxury cars" or "floatless luxury yachts" you want to sell me?!?? FAIL
"Her jaw will drop when she sees the huge brother in your pants"
So would mine. What is your brother doing in your pants? Get him out of there you sick perv!
"HankDickBig"
CavemanSpamPlenty
"Hi"
Bye.
"Make women cant keep their hands off you."
Make English majors cringe in horror.
"What to look for when purchasing a replica watch"
The exit?
"The surprising sexual fantasy most men have"
I'll give you a hint... it involves bacon.
Ok.... later.
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March 4th, 2008
01:19 pm - Dear Colleague...
While I realize you meant well, backing up the shared drives on the file server TO the file server doesn't make much sense. Actually, the effect snowballs, and the server rapidly runs out of diskspace. And as my automated backups of the file server run, you fill up the backup server too. You get bonus points for automating all this destruction though... well done. -Vaughn
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March 1st, 2008
12:59 pm - overheard during discussion of glam rock bands
"If Bret Michaels is their singer, I don't know how good could they can be."
"Hey, don't knock Poison until you've tried it."
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February 26th, 2008
12:22 pm - best spam typo ever
"Add up to 4 itches to your penis!"
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January 27th, 2008
10:31 pm - I've said it before but it bears repeating
Build a man a fire, keep him warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.
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January 21st, 2008
10:42 am - Best. List. Collection. Evar.
Including such gems as "Correspondences Between TV Characters and Sets Containing a Specified Number of Items", "New Romantic-Networking Websites for the Single Archaeologist", and "Iraq-War Clichés or New Euphemisms for Taking a Crap?".
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/
Prepare to waste your Monday.
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January 12th, 2008
10:58 am - You are all crotchfruit* !!!
*Silliest intended-to-be-derogatory term for children I have heard. Especially since it applies to everyone.
In other news, President Bush says we should have bombed Auschwitz. To stop the killing.
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8U3PPC80&show_article=1
In other other news, that story disappeared off of the front page of Fark.com minutes after I first found it. Weird.
This post tentatively tagged "humor".
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January 9th, 2008
January 3rd, 2008
11:24 am - It's too early for the year to be getting this weird
At work, I have been tasked with evaluating webmail clients, to find one that works well and supports HTML signatures.
I came upon one called socket mail, and it seemed decent, so I wanted to the kick the tires. I sent the following email:
Hello-
Is there a live demo site where I can try the software? I am interested in seeing the usability, and in testing HTML signature support for the signature product we sell.
Thank you-
Vaughn
I got the following response back.
http://www.sissykissmail.com
I clicked it. Wow, what a lot of pinky girly stuff. And I can choose from different email address domains, such as:
@SissyKissMail.com
@BabyDollsMail.com
@ILuvDiapies.com ??!
...I am now continuing somewhat more reluctantly.
@LilMissPretty.com
@MommiesBabyGirl.com
@DaddiesBabyGirl.com
@SissyEmail.com
@SweetHuggles.com
@ImASissyBaby.com
@LivingMyFairyTale.com
Yeah... this is starting to feel... not right.
Then I got to the adverts at the bottom, and yes folks, it's an email site catering specifically to sissy and diaper fetishists.
Ok. *Totally* not my scene, but if it floats someone elses boat, more power to them. I'm fine with that. But who in flaming hell would send this as a demo site to a prospective corporate client????? So I wrote them back, and simply inquired:
Are you serious?
He writes me back.
It is a client site. At the moment we don't have a demo - so I'm referring you to a client site. The content may not be the most amazing thing (or ironically tasteful) but it is one of the client sites that has over 40,000 members and would be a perfect demo site (anyhow).
Ya'know dude, it's great they have so many members and everything, but sending a prospective buyer to a website for diaper fetishists?... well, it just isn't professional. Or sane. In fact, if any marketing ploy ever sang "They're coming to take me away, ha ha!", it would be this one. Maybe you should send me to the website of your second biggest customer instead huh? Unless... maybe that's even worse.
*baffled*
Current Location: *baffled*
Current Mood: *baffled*
Current Music: *baffled*
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December 28th, 2007
04:34 pm - *ring ring ring*
*ring ring ring* goes the cellphone. I answer. "Hello?"
"Hi Dad." It's Storm. She sounds bored. "I'm bored. I just wanted to call you."
"Hi Precious. What have you been doing today?"
"Nothin," ...long pause... "Is it okay if I have a live cheetah in the house?"
"As long as it doesn't pee on the carpet."
"Ok. Love you."
"Love you too."
*click*
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12:00 pm - Duct tape survey
Please share you most heroic or unusual uses of duct tape. Thank you.
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11:07 am - If you've ever used duct tape on your toilet seat...
... you might be a redneck.
It beats pinching your ass cheek though.
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December 23rd, 2007
08:02 pm - Santa is a Jedi podracer
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December 20th, 2007
08:01 am - I wonder
 If I fill my ultrasonic humidifier with coffee before I go to bed, will I awake feeling refreshed and alert?
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December 19th, 2007
11:00 pm - Ok, where are you and what have you done with my hand?
I think I may have posted that I bought Guitar Hero III for the Wii. If I didn't post that, now I have. Anyway, that's all the background info you need.
I beat Guitar Hero on Easy, and then moved to Medium. Medium wasn't so medium for me. Medium was more like Argh, Shit! But I've been working on it a little here and there, and I've gotten to where I can survive the easier songs with about 85% success. I am obviously not bragging here, it's a complete waste of time. It's also kind of fun. :)
Well, I was having a beer this eve, and discovered that it relaxed the old brain just enough that it made me a better player. I was doing actually pretty well for a bit there.
Then I crested the top of the bell curve.
I found myself trying to play "The Number of the Beast" by Iron Maiden, trying to make my fingers do the right thing, and I found it quite disconcerting. It's one thing to try and play a song and miss the notes or the timing. But when you are LOOKING RIGHT AT YOUR HAND, willing it to play certain notes, and instead it's twisting and jerking and shuffling around like a tazed fiddler crab, disobeying you like it wasn't even bloody connected... well, that's just plain spooky. I half expected the damn thing to go for my throat.
Of course, if it had, no problem. I've seen Evil Dead 2. I know what to do.
This is an official escapist post.
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December 4th, 2007
01:10 pm - I was watching The Matrix last night
Oracle: You're not the one.
Neo: ...
Oracle: Here's your cookie, thanks for playing. Next.
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December 3rd, 2007
02:00 pm - Bojangle's Buffalo Bites
They might not be spicy or flavorful, but they are red. Yes, they are red.
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11:18 am - eh crud.
It's Monday, and the office coffee machine decided to quit working. It lights up, but no hot happens.
Monday mourning indeed.
In other news, the doomcat cometh. I think this image captures the visceral nature of the doom fear.
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November 18th, 2007
12:33 pm - Vaughn needs...
Google "[yourname] needs", and post the results.
For convenience, I've broken this up into themes.
====================
Take care of Vaughn
====================
Vaughn Need Therapy. [first result, no shit. lol!]
Vaughn needs to rest.
Vaughn needs a lil help...again.
Vaughn needs your help.
Vaughn needs to minimize the damage.
Vaughn needs to diet.
Vaughn needs to step it up.
Vaughn needs a good injection of testosterone.
Vaughn needs to trim his nose hair.
Vaughn needs a quiet, adult only, rural home where his people will manage his issues and make sure he doesn't make bad decisions.
Vaughn needs his equipment. [damn right i do]
Vaughn needs less rap, more country. [i would debate this, i need very little of either!]
Vaughn needs the rush or adrenalin buzz.
====================
Kill Vaughn
====================
Vaughn needs to be reined in.
Vaughn needs to die.
Vaughn needs to DIAF and stop making bad movies.
Vaughn needs to be punched.
Vaughn needs a big smack upside the head.
Vaughn needs to stay dead.
====================
Strange Vaughn?
====================
Vaughn Needs A Bodyguard?
Vaughn needs his kidney. [true statement]
Vaughn needs to be the guy.
Vaughn needs to build liquidity while paring down debt.
Vaughn needs $50000 for his newest get-rich-quick scheme.
Vaughn needs Elisa not to marry his father so he can retain ownership of Kirkaldy and Elisa.
Vaughn needs to throw away the old, average ugly milk. [and what? keep the new, exemplary, fancy milk?]
Vaughn needs space and lives over in New Jersey.
Vaughn needs ride by Infamous.
Vaughn needs The Hot Zone to represent him.
Vaughn needs to be in the dressing room.
Vaughn needs to concentrate while he waits for his hand. [um...]
Vaughn needs to observe the total package.
Vaughn needs to take her dancing, but she knows he hates it.
====================
Vaughns Relationship
====================
[note: Google seems to be really down on my love life!]
Vaughn needs the Supernanny.
Vaughn needs to marry me.
Vaughn needs to wisk Sydney off her feet, and go far far away.
Vaughn needs to get a life and a wife.
Vaughn needs to go see swingers, right now.
Vaughn needs to switch it up.
Vaughn needs to dump her soon!!!
Vaughn needs to break up with her.
Vaughn needs to come back to life.
Vaughn needs to find something else.
Vaughn needs his ring stolen.
Vaughn needs to rediscover his mojo.
Vaughn needs to score.
Vaughn needs to be relieved.
====================
Vaughn's Favorites
====================
Vaughn needs to go on a mission requiring him to ride a horse and brandish a sword.
Vaughn needs to take some supplements because he's got that Eastern-European scurvy look.
Vaughn Needs To Photoshop Himself Before Leaving The House.
Vaughn Needs a Happy Pill.
Vaughn needs a dose of Crazy.
Vaughn needs to have the friendship of the Banshees.
Vaughn needs 3 full weeks of sleep and a shirt that wouldn't be described as "Ned Flanderish".
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October 8th, 2007
10:18 pm - Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters
Heh.
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/q276304/
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September 27th, 2007
01:09 pm - Dear Embarq...
Dear Embarq,
I received your message that said "we are going to be changing your static IPs".
That is an oxymoron.
Thank you,
Vaughn
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September 20th, 2007
11:29 am - Mini Deva Mega Booty!
http://www.mini-britney.com/
Is that not awesome?
I know what you're thinking. Where's the myspace!? Do not fret:
http://www.myspace.com/minibritneyspears
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September 19th, 2007
09:41 am - why one must not forget the coffee press
This would seem obvious to those who like coffee... forget the coffee press? Impossible! But in a household such as mine, where one of the two coffee drinkers really doesn't like coffee-press coffee and prefers to use the espresso machine, using the press for one cup of coffee doesn't make sense. It takes longer, you have to heat the water separately, etc.
So it had been a while since I had used the coffee press. It had gotten pushed to the back of the counter. Melanie noticed it back there Monday, and commented to me... something to the effect of "the coffee press is looking scary". I had to think for a second, then realized she probably meant that I had forgot to remove the grounds last time I used it, and it was turning into a science experiment. Indeed, that was the case... it growled. It had mirrored glasses and a manifesto. It made vague references to my mother's safety.
So, last night after work, I decided to clean it out. Pulled it into the light of day... man. That's nasty looking. Oh well. I proceeded to pull the plunger out. Or I should say, I tried to. It was adhered to the glass and grounds by the considerable forestry taking place in the beaker. It took undo pressure, but finally it let go. Shhoomp!
A green cloud billowed out of the container. I shit you not. I am assuming they were spores or something. That CAN'T be good, thought I, taking two steps back to avoid breathing it.
Yeah. I've never used bleach when washing dishes before, but I'm willing to make an exception this time. I'm letting it soak for a while.
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September 17th, 2007
11:37 am - hehe...
translation:
sudo = on a linux system, run a command as the superuser/admin
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September 10th, 2007
08:09 am - I didn't watch
So I can't say if Britney bombed at the MTV Music Awards or not.
But I have to take issue with the Associated Press' report that names some of the things wrong with her performance:Out-of-synch lip-synching. Lethargic movements that seemed choreographed by a dance instructor for a nursing home. The paunch in place of Spears' once-taut belly.
Picture of said "paunch":
Dear people of the world... please send all women with a paunch like Britney's to see Vaughn Teegarden, of Vaughns Photo Art, for appropriate appreciation and photography. Thank you.
This world is nuts.
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